The Power of Vulnerability

by Karen Brenner

Brené Brown, researcher and storyteller, talks about shame and vulnerability.

As human beings, we are all neurobiologically wired for connection. In her TED talk, Brené Brown describes shame as not being worthy of connection. It is the fear that if someone else finds out about the real you, they will see that you are unworthy of connection.

“We all have shame. No one wants to talk about it; but the less you talk about it, the bigger it gets.” Keeping the real you from being seen, becomes an endless cycle that expends a lot of unnecessary energy. “Because in order to have connection, you have to allow yourself to be vulnerable, to be seen.”

Brown describes vulnerability as “the core of shame, fear and our struggle for worthiness.” Contrastingly, “vulnerability is the birthplace of joy, creativity, belonging and love.” She observes that we cannot numb unwanted emotion without numbing the good affects, such as joy, gratitude, happiness) as well. When we do, we are miserable and become more vulnerable”, thus continuing the self-defeating and isolating cycle. Brown observes that when we are in this negative space, we find that “blame is often a way to discharge the pain and discomfort”. Then we find ourselves even more disconnected and alone.

Through years of research, Brown has found that there are four traits that people who have a strong sense of self, love and belonging have in common:

    • The first is that these people have “the COURAGE to tell the story of who they are with their whole heart. The COURAGE TO BE IMPERFECT.”
  • They have the “COMPASSION to be kind to themselves and then others.”
  • They have “CONNECTION as a result of being who they really are and let go of who they (or others) thought they should be.”
  • Lastly, they “EMBRACE VULNERABILITY.” They are able to risk saying “I love you” or “I’m sorry” first. “They invest in relationships that may or may not work out.”

As Brown ends this TED talk, she explains that we can, like these people, “BELIEVE that we are enough. Then we can stop screaming and start listening. We can become kinder and gentler to ourselves” and others.